I hate the fact that you changed me so much.
Hais...
Actually baby im kinda today. I didnt want u to hang up cos i nd u now):
absent presence.
今晚有点寂寞
http://my-complete-honesty.blogspot.com/
):
好久没有哭得这么痛快。
说实在，到这个地步我还依然迟疑不决－-或许我在放弃一个很可贵的东西。但是在争取我要的，想要的途中，我不允许自己伤害到任何、其他人。
Feeling nostalgic when ppl change.
What loneliness do to people.
累，泪。
http://my-complete-honesty.blogspot.com
http://my-complete-honesty.blogspot.com
"why do you look like there is so much pain, anger and sorrow in you?"
Here I am
This is a crazy world
These can be lonely times
It's hard to know who's on your side
Most of the time
Who can you really trust
Who do you really know
Is there anybody out there
Who can make you feel less alone
Some times you just can't make it on your own
If you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend
When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am, hmmm
If you have broken dreams
Just lay them all on me
I'll be the one who understands
So take my hand
If you reach emptyness
You know I'll do my best
To fill you up with all the love
That I can show someone
I promise you you'll never walk alone
Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend
When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am, oooo
Everybody needs somebody who
keep a heart and soul in two
Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend
When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am, Here I am
Bye dear... I'll miss u
承诺
Looks like someone is coping with it well.
Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
决定性的一天.
=)
累了，该放手了。
我怎么又哭了？
I'm attached is a bad answer.
It just questions, "what if I'm not?"
歌词依然有意思。
Lets just say that tonight, i've got evidence to make me say that old habits die hard.
A：信任值多少？
B：无价。
A：那我买！
B：你付不起。
yet again,
I was right.
Awake..feeling...
why am i cryng every night for it?
i cannot tolerate this anymore le. enough is quite enough i think.
if im not giving enough then sometimes i dunno wads the point.
why the FUCK am i doing this?
i wanna cry now, to cry so fuckin bad, but why am i holding bak?! idk really...
but for certain im hurt.
3hrs of sleep so far yet having to entertain some fkers for pw is fking annoying. i really feeling liek jumping off the building right now.
她说：
“会伤心，是因为在乎。
会在乎，是因为关心。
会关心，是因为他在你心中，非常重要。”
sometimes, i'd wonder if being honest, is all that good.
sometimes, i'd wonder if the word love, has been used too loosely.
sometimes, i'd wonder if i'll be the one being hurt again.
sometimes, i'd wonder what are te things you say that i can believe.
sometimes, i'd wonder how much your past matters to you.
有时,我想知道,我在你的心中到底值多少。
有时感觉起来还是些。。。
我好笨。
Am i doing right at all? :|
-in a drunken stupor
Maybe shes right that im not being fair to him.
okay so he wants a big teddy bear hee. noted ;d
I never thought it would be this difficult to find the next key when your eyes are already brimming with tears.
I don't know why but I can never once shook off the loneliness.
In fact, I am unable to find any words to describe this feeling but I would say it would only be afraid.
Im really really afraid.
Im really at the lost of words.
so much to say yet too hard to describe. i dont know.. i really dont know...
I really need someone to talk to..please...
I have a strong suspicion that my father is having an affair.
The reason?
Why does he have to fucking lie to my mom about being at work when hes not?
And?
TO stay on a phone when my mom's not around? To jump when I see you on the god damned phone?
He has it like a dragon with him all the time like a dragon guarding some sort of idiotic treasure that no ones wants.
Its have been 4 tiems since the moron did and I reckon tat this shall be the 5th.
Tbh I feel im being really unjusitse to my mom for keeping this from her.
Atleast, I feel that she deserves to know.
Hes nothing but a big turd who cheats and unwilling to make sarcrifices for his family.
Even the TV which he hogs onto every single freaking day. And hah? The whole lot has to suffer because we can't visit the damned restraunt that he hates so much.
I mean whats the point damit?!
Oh and there was this huge fight at home the other day.
My parents were quarelling as usual so I walked off from home at 12pm and off my phone.
I tried calling someone but I guess everyone was just as good as dead then.
Can't expect already, I thought.
But, I was back in hell at 3 again.
I can hardly give a damn now.
Tbh, it doesn't matter if this family shet shatters.
I had it.
FML _|_
P.S. Im not drunk.
Girl, i have serious doubts about wad u always said.
To be raised, then to be put down again.
Somehow, it seemed to make me lose my way again.
Wished tnis would change.
I need no sympathy, no remorse.
Just another friend.
Walk by my side, not the front nor the back. Please...
At some point,
When one starts to look at something from another point,
He'd have realised how foolish, stubborn and priggish he have been.
Still, come to think of it.
Im really glad that I pulled though such phrases in life,
learnt a great deal of hard lessons,
and taught to come to terms with things - in the right way, atleast.
From now on, I promise that I will allow myself to be hurt again.
Yes, because I have moved on.
Im so frightened.
If only you could
I've decided not to reply in hope to escape further brawl which may sour this friendship.
Seems like im so desperate to be loved again..
The reason to hide the truth for somebody.
Asphyxiating myself. Im...I..
"What has got over you. You're frightening me."
In truth, I'm not so sure anymore.
But I'm definite, that I have grown out of my ways and it has been the most painful yet, the most fruitful phrase in my life.
Maybe, its what we call 'when maturity steps in'. I get a clearer picture now.
Atleast, I know how it finally feels like to take my first step to free myself.
I'm advancing at last.
It comes with a price though.
It isn't the my old self anymore.
He knew he wasn't ready for the sophicated facade which could just shield him from the glance that knows.
He know that he has to be strong.
Hes trying.
the memories that keep creeping back.
School and rl has been keeping me busy,
and its been awhile since I could pace myself or stop to have a breather.
Anyway, this is possibly my few last posts - definitely till the end of my O's,
but I can't be sure about the days after that.
p.s. Happy Birthday 28/8/09, with warm wishes.
p.p.s. Gd luck All in the upcoming exams.
Ciao,
AA.
It seems funny that at some point; that a simple story that would lead me into another floodgate of emotions.
And for the many posts then, I would take a final review before deleting them and laugh at myself for being so silly to hold on things that doesn't belong.
God..I can't through this alone. But, right now, I'll just put up a front.
Can't afford to succumb to it yet.
我好难过。
Impetuous impulses :)
Drowning in a rising tide.
--------------------------------------
Though at some point, I beg to differ.
been watching movies all day to kill some time. i really hate holidays.
Literally, hate.
can't believe that im actually talking to myself..wow
Was walking home today when I received a horrible message.
Due to some certain yet uncertain circumstances, I figured that it would be best that I keep all identities behind that wall of animosity, especially sensitive ones.
Guaranteed unaltered details.
hmm..most of it at least.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Zames
PS: this sms is sent to 2 Dean, yuxuan and junyong, pls forward 2 junyu. Fuck u. Fuck all of u doing the english oral with Ms phua. Fuck every fucking one of u. Fuck u and ur motherfucking 4H class. All of u r hurting me now. How dare u sing the motherfucking song infront of me. How dare u do oral with the motherfucker in the library. U think i wont find out? U think i stupid? I walked into the library and saw u all talking with the motherfucker like friends. I wanted 2 say hello 2 u all, but no. Found a new friend? Don need me anymore? Fine. Just tell me and we can stop being friends. I'm gonna giv u all one last chance. For those of u who think i'm over-reacting, FUCK U... now i know how its like 2 be angry at friends, like yongliang.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, dean, yuxuan and junyu each received the message.
I got every one's reply to him.
Dean: Ermm dude...we n0t with *******s group...i and junyu,junyong tagged along.went to do conversation.,i didnt even say anything t0 him at all!pls lah,i swear u are way aether than *******.
Yuxuan: haha,i receive le
-okay that reply was meant for me anyway, and I couldn't stop imagining wad his face was like by a mis-sent would do.
anyway, I received junyu's reply thereafter.
Junyu:seriously, ask him stfu. His enemy is not mine i dont care if his my " friend "
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, I figured that I should probably have mine sent too. I haven't done so, though.
"Really it makes me wonder.. But before that, there are some issues that i wish to clarify and made known. First off first, i do not wish that the qualm will not rage any further than this. Next, as I will probably be the first to make a reply, I guess that its only right that I have to speak up on the behalf of the rest that you have unrightfully insulted; therefore, I shall be addressing myself as we where necessary.
Though I have a strong doubt that you are not going to finish the message, I am decided about sending it as it would probably get this weight off my chest. Its really up to you to believe what I am going to relate next."
But I reached home right after that message so I put it to drafts, dropped my phone in its usual slot and informed the rest.
And there was this lot of petty debate that went on. I am no part of it and neither do I have any interest to be.
At last, there came the last message from Zames, forwarded to me by Dean and yuxuan.
Zames: ok, wah dean and yuxuan understand so well. Ok, I forgive u 2, but i think junyong angry with me 4 sure. U 2 dun get involved, later i talk 2 junyong myself. Don't worry, ok?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey.. I was like WTF?
My considerably fair day was destroyed by an moron who starts accusing us for being with his enemy?
We make our own choices of the friends we choose and I don't need someone to be there to criticise who they are when you hardly know them yourselves. They are not for you to judge.
Its not even the first time that I have snapped at you and have [A] to tell you off.
Please lah, I had enough of your endless complaints and meaningless blabbers abouts humans. (look in the mirror- that is one disaster)
Oh, if I haven't mentioned, it would be nice if I can at least have a day of peace without having a booming book of colorful vocabs dictionary buzzing at our ears all the time.
Filthy little turd, your frequent "too-hard-too-be-named aka dig nose/ears" habits really irks me. Oops?!
Also, I would like to add that we don't need your forgiveness or chance you ass. WE have done nothing wrong so far. and stop restricting us from any freaking things we WANT to and WILL do.
Btw, about the message I intended to send, what really meant was...
"Really it makes me wonder.. But before that, there are some issues that I wish to clarify and made known. First off first, I want to warn you that that this qualm will probably end you in the fucking jail. Next, as I will probably be the first to make a reply, I guess that its only right that I have to speak up for my friends not yours, that you have unrightfully insulted; therefore, I shall be addressing myself as we where necessary.
Though I think that you would fucking die from an overheat after you finished the message, I am decided about sending it as it would probably fuck you off. P.S. Its not really up to you to fuck anyone you like."
Ugly, ugly korean.
Get well soon, I guess.
Lest, I expected a reply which never came.
Complete seen-through today,
glad to have realized..in time.
Then, I shall carve on your body..
the lesson of what penace is exacted for soiling another's pride.
Yet, I couldn't find the reason why I should post it anyway.
Delicious Ambiguity.
And your reaction just makes me cringe.
Lets say that things are back to normal.
Umm, most of it anyway.
Tired day at the beach.
*Yawns*
ENglish oral exams tmr.
CAn't wait^^
Its not easy keeping my gaze from you.
I can't show, I can't.
But I still do.
I still do.
Anyway, Happy Bday Mr Hunt!
with sincerity!
Dear Diary,
Envious?
Maybe not.
Perhaps just a little more than that; or it could just be a little lesser.
No. Jealousness shall be it.
I guess its time that I should come to that fact: Life is unfair.
Well, if it is then, GARGLE MY BALLS lol..
Tbh it doesn't matter cos I'll be different. Because, someday I shall make you feel like a smart bungolio for not being appreciative. Because, someday you'll pay , I promise. Wait and see.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"One day, ha-ha!"
"Yeah, some day. Ciao."
"Ciao~!"
She alighted.
A grin drew across my face. I stood to watch her go, wondering why she never knew, and why she will never know.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
eh ppls, 不是sian掉，but只是最近很vexed.
Thanks for the time.
Learnt alot!
Dear diary,
I held it back today.
I know it still hurts but Im sure it will get better then.
Thanks for the call.
It meant everything.
Thank you for being there and listening.
I'll tell you more tomorrow.
Be there.
I'll just pretend that you are here.
After awhile, I've began to learn that the hurtful words doesn't hit me anymore.
Idk how to put this lightly.
Someone has crossed the line that I had drew.
Perhaps, weaving a new lie create that short getaway.
But really, you're feet are sinking deeper- you don't get far nemore.
I guess that it would make things better if I could just spat back.
I kept my cool though.
Tbh, I have already scaled a greater height than you.
It doesn't even matter if it involved me being academically inclined.
Because I've seen the real people behind the hiding masks;
I've learnt how to be truthful to the people around me;
But most important of all,
I've learnt to love then judge.
Been dedicating most of my time on the chicken soup lately.
I guessed that it just might be the thing that occurred to me.
Tbh I would probably recommend it someone.
Then, perhaps it just might just hit you.
Yet, considering that the stories might just be too "complicated" for you to comprehend, I guess that its still just best staying as that you.
Cos its really yourself that shapes you.
Just don't keep and jagged edges sticking out.
It might just be too late when you realised that the people around you are bleeding.
*shrugs*
The porcupine.
The sharp pins.
Jealously guard its within.
The ticklish self,
The very one that I have last seen.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I braced myself as I turned to gaze into his eyes.
They were wet now - I could see the wet glisters already.
"Its okay to cry,"I told him softly.
He bit his lips. But I knew they were not going to hold.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
A raspy cough reverberated through the once silent corridor, which was quickly followed by the a clatter of heavy footsteps.
Someone is coming.
I turned to face him.
The eyes were tired, and the face was flushed but he was smiling.
"Yo! Not going home yet?" he greeted the familiar face that appeared from the bend.
The deux watched as the figure turned beyond the bend.
"It opens up someday. Then you will know why I'm keeping this from everyone."
I trudged slowly behind him,
for I have caught the same glister welling in those sad, tired eyes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have seen how lowly and despicable some people can get.
Yah go on and degrade yourself
because i don't give a damn if i see you working dirty someday because you're going to scrap a life living cheap.
Fuck u bitches.
oops? I'm not going to. That's the job some random rotten junks from the streets who are keen to tend the farm. _|_
Resolution
+ All smiles:)
+ Vulgarities are out! (slap me if you must)no thats a joke<
+ Peace. Im taking a neutral stand from now on.
+ kay im holy baaaw
.jpg)
awful, formulaic, regurgitated.
Yet it really conforts to see you smiling again.
Drunk-driven-free.
Courtey of life.
We all have our reasons for re-writing history,
sometimes we need to provide ourselves alibis,
sometimes we want to hurt someone who has hurt us,
and there are times that we want to save ourselves embarassment.
Ofcourse there are some who feel to rewrite history is another way to lie.
But what is history anyway?
But a set of lies agreed on.
I wonder..if I had made the most inappropriate decisions.
It has been a while since I have decided to make an un-informed change to my blog...
Anyway, I figured that this would be a long post.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I pondered over the what the next line would be.
Perhaps the fact that I had flung English shall be the start and the reason that I couldn't tell my mom.
"All will be fine," I assured her. Yet deep inside I would've known better.
Yet, I just want to mention the number of days since I last spoke to my father.
I have never expected such trivial, subtle issue would land me in such a bad state.
I'm losing count of it already.
To be honest, I'm already feeling sick to mention about my family.
Except that lately, I learnt the dark truth of an older sibling.
I believe that I have already mention a couple of times about what shameless deed that my father has committed.
Frankly, I no longer feel the mortification of mentioning this to my friends, but a feeling of disgust and humiliation of acknowledging such kin.
Even so, learning to forgive to forget would usually turn out to be the only solution but its been the fifth time I shall be doing so and I can't expect myself to do so again.
Yet, there are still weighing issues that remained in me and I would have been most eager to relief such desirable weight from my tired shoulders.
Yet, however I have no idea where or how to begin.
I have no intentions of beating around the bush,
every word shall be straight forward, clear and undeniable hurtful at some points.
Clearly, I am not an expressive person.
To me, I tend to judge people in a way that perhaps most people wouldn't or should I say, just wouldn't understand.
True friends, to me, are priceless possessions to come by.
So priceless, that this drug has already caught me too unexpectedly.
Things took an especially sharp turn this year;
to a point where things went overboard and I grew, feeding off every anger, guilt, jealously and other dull blend of negative emotions that I have experienced in the mournful world of friendship.
I began to grasp these priceless possession to strongly, ignorant their pleas for release- I have yet to noticed the cracks to mark where I have did something which hurt another so badly.
Somehow, rather predictably, the thin thread line of the friendship broke.
The acceptance of such hulky issue has proved to be a difficult task to content.
The process was slow and unbearably painful. I still remember how I would collapse in the bath or waking up in the middle of the night huddling myself and crying.
I remember how I tried to saviour the last of it, trying every means to get things right again.
Though the task would have meant for me only, I as glad that there was a still a fair number of people who was there to encourage and see my through.
Although I have to admit, such memories were hazy and barely visible by now, there is still an inevitable tug of heart strings and pain of regret. Because, they all meant something to me.
Truth Hurts
There are points that I wished to be honest about.
I hate to admit but at the period of my recovery,
I was simply blinded by jealously and anger that I began to hate, even the once who had always been with me.
Now, looking back, I learnt how throwing harsh words and being a smart tard wasn't all great choices. I was just being immature.
Recently, I noticed how things meet changes.
I saw how our relations began to wane slowly and people around me are slowly yet definitely drifting away.
Its been a long while since we all went out together already. Those were cherished moments.
I believe, that my clique would have known that I am an outgoing person, hardly would there be times when I'll turn down offers to hit outdoors.
Yet, I felt that perhaps my presence would meant missing out on one other.
I turned her down just the other day.
Though not without asking if she had mentioned that to him.
"He won't come de la so ask you lor."
I merely nodded before stroding off.
Perhaps this simple reply wasn't intended hold a meaning.
But I have learnt my place in their heart and possibly the value of this friendship.
Frankly, I begin to wonder if the clique name(couldn't recall what) even meant anything at all..
I was even tempted to "break off" though I learnt how stupid it was.
Even so, I began to comprehend and learnt that such option could be part of consideration.
To be honest, I feel torn ed between two difficult spots.
First off first, I learnt that my closest friend was really unapproving of my "other side" friend. In spite of that, he chose respect and kept it within himself.
The other issue, to put it plainly, I no longer felt the warmth, the joy we use to have.
What I often see now is but, short laughter shams, nervous laughs...
Words to spare
It sparked off rather particularly that day.
A stupid joke that turned out different.
"Attention seeker!" she blared before stomping off, disappearing at the turn of the corridor.
He watched her disappear, seemingly unstirred by the remark.
Yet, deep down his stomach was churning with the urge to shout back, "I'm not an attention seeker!"
"I just want to be accepted, to be recognised as a friend. Because, I feel really, really lonely."
There would probably be a million things that I could've talked about.
It would probably been like a thirsty flea which knows no limits to content itself.
A blood feast frenzy.
De facto forlorn...
sorry...
the promise i made..
sorry i couldnt keep to it..not today.
Went deeper into my past today.
its dark in here.
I just needed someone to play
play, play play..
Having one of the greying days again.
Bored and alone again today.
aa-
figured that the next post would probably get some things off my head.
Haven't been better lately anyway.
Just a bit in need for time and got F*abulous* up with my first detention.
Anyway, the hair at the back is still knotted by *ahem* Kory.
plus, my head is still spinning with some obscure allusions she came up with.
Fanny, hardly a measure of American englishness! Hahaha
signing off`
The distant explosion echoed up and down the chasm. The light creatures continued their dance, unconcerned. Their whole existence was light; Zanik doubted they could hear anything.
In a situation where that someone gives you everything and loves you purely and she/he is a top student in your class and you were somehow the exact opposite of that someone, what would you do?
-Make some changes and show that person that you love her so much that you are willing to change your entire being for him/her
-Leave him/her because I don't want to embarass him/her because of my very being. I'll make him/her hate me so that she could have someone whom she really deserves
-Adjust to the situation and be more responsible
-Participate in class and grab a bit of attention every now and then
I cant decide.
but i got the answer,
Perhaps its wad Mutual Love really is.
A rather complicated love which renders the person to have feelings of something that is somehow similar to love but never really close to real love. You have love but never really feels like what real love really is.
只希望张开眼睛时--啊，这都只是一场噩梦。
那些难过，伤人的话，一旦说出就一句句刺入心。
才发现口中唯一能说的话只是谢谢，和对不起。。。
收不回的话-
今晚，我不等了。
29/3
埋怨，悔恨，悲哀，无阻。
The final puzzle.
你最近还好吗？
在这少了你的世界
找不回那些感觉 其实我不想道别 那些过去
---------------------------------------------
我知道，都知道了。
别再装着那一副坚强的样子，
开心却不快乐。
辛酸，心痛让我再看不下去。
好害怕。
我的心，真的受伤了！
我的天空多么清新。
透明的承诺是过去的空气。
牵着我的手是你，
但你的笑容却看不清。
是否一个星星变了心，
从前的愿望都被抛弃。
最近我无法呼吸，
连自己的影子也在逃避。
也许，
你的一番话终于让我领悟到-
我想，栽下这面具的时候到也了。
恐怕的是，照照镜子却无法再能认得出自己。
就算是忘不了，
没有大不了，
反正，一切也不再重要了。
何必再让彼此困扰？
幸福加悲伤，同时在我心交叉。
付出的无法收回来，
欠你的也无法给。。。
这滋味我终于会明白。
但，可知一些划伤人不少。
可深深地被打败。
不知什麽缘故，
我开始累了，
也不想再纠缠。。。
才发现自己是多么的憔悴。
生日的愿望：
一个新的开始。
有话，
却不敢再说。
就当着没一件事发生过。
Have I ever tell you that I'll never get far in future.
And my life, thats that.
All that I could think of and what i want to say
is that Its best to end it now than later.
一场戏.
Perhaps Valentine this year would just be like any others.
Nevertheless I learnt whats love its like and
yes, its a part of my cherished memories.
Titanic. Let us remember the day when families and love has to part.
Its my new beginning.
一句话.
I still remember when u cried with me.
Yet today it things have changed...
今天，张竣詠被刺死了。
最后的留言。
Yes, hostility arises.
War is just about the corner..
Making sure u gets the full reparation.
Im ready.
Bring it.
I thought a trifle ridiculous with your sorry plight,
but retained that inscrubtable smile throughout.
Your plot and expression is charmingly modest,
but don't test me and my capability.
You'll will never know when you start to feel
something sticking into your back.
It will be too late then.
Quick and easy,
No need to be a mess.
Just be wary.
Yes, you.
The scene plays so vividly.
Hunt.
It started from a joke.
Yet it came over me and I learnt that
I led my life with overjealously, vengeance and anger.
But,
Its going to change.
I promise.
It doesn't stop playing in my head.
Still, at the end of the day,
I cleaned of the tears and forced another smile.
Hide it.
Yet suddenly I don't look forward to updating my trip anymore.
though it appeared that I made my decisions to...
Drfiting away,
a dot in the horizon.
No longer is how it used to be.
Things I said,
I wished I could say the same again.
Who can I seek to pour it out.
Who could I pour it all out to.
Whom can I trust to say it all.
Who would stay liten.
Who could?
Who would...
Sincere? Not.
Firstly I would like to express my apologies to all especially to some who still stood by and holding on to me to keep me from falling.
I know I haven't been myself lately, and I've been weighing down on you.
Anyway I won't been present in class tmr.
And P.S. we won the competition.
~Ciaos. Enjoy your holidays.:)
Walk blindly to the light and reach out for his hand
Don't ask any questions and don't try to understand
Open up your mind and then open up your heart
And you will see that you and me aren't very far apart
'Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
Violence is spread worldwide and there are families on the street
And we sell drugs to children now oh why can't we just see
That all we do is eliminate our future with the things we do today
Money is our incentive now so that makes it okay
But I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I've been seeing Lisa now for a little over a year
She said she's never been so happy but Lisa lives in fear
That one day daddy's gonna find out she's in love
With a nigger from the streets
Oh how he would lose it then but she's still here with me
'Cause she believes that love will see it through
And one day he'll understand
And he'll see me as a person not just a black man
'Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe I believe I believe I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
Love will find the way
Love will find the way
Love will find the way
Please love find the way
Please love find the way
Been nearly two weeks since I last blogged an entry.
Kay, I feel the tension and stress coming atlast;
A relish for glory.
However though it seems like there ar people in the class who holds overbearing pride and presumptions of themselves.
Yetm, they seem to be oblivious that what lurks in their pride is but wanton violence, insolence and outrage.
I have my target aimed and I shall strive to surpass it.
With those who care at my side,
Im sure it will be a breeze.
Though uncertaincy still lingers close.
另外我也想恭喜我那一般好友，
在这会考得到忧郁的成绩。
唉。。。
Anyway, I have decided to start working on my MT.
Though it may not be as easy as it seemed because of the 种种的 obstacles in my way.
Especially with the accent I never thought I would have, many people don't seem to tell me about it and idk neither would I wan to be cheena zz...
无论如何，我决定开始工作在我的MT. 虽然可能不是一样容易由于障碍用我的方式，象它似乎。特别是与口音我未曾认为我会有，许多人民don' t似乎告诉我关于它和idk都苍白的I不会是cheena zz…
-thanks Babelfish.
Forbidden love, they call it.
First day of school.
Quite pleasant actually.
And well, I curb the resentment I felt for Mr K.
Atleast thats for now and i hope to have more in future.
Strive ducks and bb. :)
First of all,
My New Year Greetings,
Not to all, but to the very few I care about. :)
But just to bring up the previous posts,
Biasness-ccb,
+pcb
so that makes double or I would add KNN for the third equal the biasness out.
Okay and as promise to make a more cheerful post,
Im gonna o_O...
Hii TeeHee -_-|||
Ps. Jiayi. Thanks for the letter :D Happy New year to you and bb :D especially.
No new year resolution this year`
Kay its secret :D
我肯定了。。。
这感觉。
The tears that I tried holding back.
I wished that those are words of anger,
and you never meant it really much.
It hurts so badly, Im dying inside.
I can't lose.
I can't.
Such a loser I am.
到了最后，还是得擦干眼泪，
装着一幅笑脸面对大家。
What hides as drafts.
The day I dread advances so quickly.
Yet, funny it is, its not the 0lvls that I dread, but the graduation day itself.
Just another Christmas~
Merry Xmas!! p.s i just assaulted the fat one in red so dont expect pressies :D
16/12/08 1.42am
那晚我无法进入睡眠-
一直在犹豫。
我是否变了，不再是那时的我。
是否是变得好了些还是。。。
我不断地责问自己，
是否我的存在带来大家那么多痛苦，
复杂的心情。
曾经考虑过解决的方法。
我愿意牺牲。
近来也发生不少事。
而想到起初我犯的错误，
我还是对自己感到非常失望，
也不断地自责。
我想，
我的人格单纯，
毕竟也不是很聪明。
做出的每一件事，
都得经过很多考验。
我想这一来我都错了。。。
在此也不想再在乎了。
与其，
一番话让我优于-
友谊是否是永恒不变的。
我不知道。。也希望一天能得到一个肯定的答案。
对我来说，
我所为你做出的付出，
我重不埋怨，只想取回多一点的在乎。
可是我得到的却是一次次的失望。。
因为我只要求。。。。
也许对你来说~
别人的眼光是如此重要，
可惜我也不例外。
但是我也已经好累好累了，
也不想再重视那些眼光了。
不再留言。
我领悟了许多，
要的是什么却说不出口。。。
原来，我不是那么的坚强。。。
谢谢你的诚恳。
Reading back.
It seems to occur so vividly and violently.
I wished all that I've thought,
I wished I am wrong.
Strangely enough,
I seemed to learn that its all pretence,
An Act.
I have never been lying,
lest if it for the greater good,
for all.
Sincerity, I hope it doesn't lie.
I wished it all wasn't one. I really do.
Biasness- ccb.
Perhaps I'm unable to understand.
But it makes me wonder if my presence meant so much.
Too much..too much.
Great jeopardy.
你也曾经问过我，
对不起，我没法想出一个答案，
也许你说中了
讽刺。
I was hoping that you would say sth.
Even it doesn't involve actions.
Words to make me feel better.
I wonder if all that I've done is worth.
I wonder if the words you said all meant anymore.
I'm starting to think otherwise.
But even still,
I still willingly drown myself in the sorrow.
Just a wishful thinking on my part.
My part-
Feverishly waiting for that call.
It appears as it seems I never cared.
Infact it did so badly.
It may be a minor issue-
so small that it seemed a though we have overseen.
But I just realised that how deeply it has cut me,
and that Im in pain.
On the wimp of my lowest moment.
You were there.
But I wished you could stay.
You never left.
Though how blind I may seemed,
I regconised the shadow in the distant.
I know its you.
Never left me on my own.
A light to guide my way-
-Aaron #@#$%
It used to be different.
So it feels good to be a noob tard?
If i had known better.
I wouldnt have FUCKING done some fucking shit.
Yea im such a bastard.
-the black sheep.
Movario licked his dry, cracked lips, not taking his eyes off the ancient book in front of him. His hand, acting almost like a separate entity, scratched spidery notes onto parchment. He knew who V was, but the references to the stone intrigued him. Fragmentary thoughts were gathering, forming up together into something important – but something was missing, some key detail. With trembling fingers he turned the yellowed page.
“The stone was clearly not of this world...”
A triumphant scratch of Movario's quill tore through the parchment. That was it! After all this time his research was finally bearing fruit!
The antiquated surroundings of the temple afforded little warmth, and the only luxury was the lone, guttering candle by which he read. The chill still reached inside, but it did not register for Movario as his unyielding research ground on through the days.
-runescape
I learnt the hidden meaning behind it.
Its not about the trust,
but about my thoughts and instincts.
Don't you think, it came too early and too, "in"conveniently at the "right" point of time?
But its k tho,
Understood you perefectly. Its the right choice and Im not mad or anything.
Don't tell me I'm wrong,
I can read you like a book just as could do.
Ahhh..
An exhuasting day at Escape.
Px friends turned out to be some really fun ppl.
Wasn't expecting much since the age gap is umm 5yrs apart :0!!
Aha I still feel nauseous from the rides.
Wet and wild was especially my favourite, we went on it 5times atleast :|
And Haunted, much to my dismay, it wasn't as frightening as it appeared. LOL.
Hope to be there again, someday. O_O
uh, just removed circle from reader's list.
Pretty much using my blog for linkies only and i figured that there are ppl not worth keeping either.
Also, I'm not going for movie tmr even if he ask.
p.s. I got a reason:
"Badminton tmr."
Good enough? And it sounds much same as yours too.
Ahh cY,
Kangaroos are NFS and you don't stroke them.:)
Heh miss me right? O_O
Man, I have been working so much on my work that I just realised than I haven't been playing in ages. Maybe its just 2 days but 24hr is long enough.
Just 2more days - appoximnately 59:31:hrs from now :D. Over soon.
Can't wait..
--
Gasping and choking,
I climbed catiously towards the distant light,
which was clouded with toil and despair.
Heh~
Its been a long time since I've been to a food fest. :0
But I did today,
though it was planned a little later nevertheless I made it anyway.
Nothing much to talk about the day,
went there for food and I got stuffed with mouthful of takos.
It wasn't bad at all and I got home two boxes of cuppas :D
And also,
I came across an interesting line by >_> I don't remember..lol:
I am one in a series of one.
I am the ultimate limited edtiion.
I am the choices I make.
I am.
Oh well, came home pretty late after meeting up with ZiXian and some games of arcade.
Although it seemed like I never touched the wretched machines at all.
-No money spent-
Got a msg from cY today.
Glad hes enjoying himself at farm.
Atleast, hes not complaining bout Aus as much as before
And not begging for home. :D
Still, he got cows for accompainment.
Meh~ we are all so jealous. LOL.
And a word to jY,
Happy Ahma :D.
Srry my dad had to use the comp so I was umm :|..AFK!!
A trip to Escape tmr,
I don't know if I really want to..
-
Fallen into oblivion,
into the wrath of HELL.
My soul~
I feel like a tard right now.
I know I should have never doubted you.
To keep your words like u always do.
And rather miracously, I did, too.
Never have it been this long but i pulled through all.
Even at the lowest moment,
I clung on to my next breath.
Even at at the strongest call,
I kept it at bay.
Because I believe that all is worth doing so.
A promise I made to keep,
To do the best of what can be done.
Even so, I can hardly shake of the lurking feeling of the anguish.
I wondered, why does everything comes with a reason.
Sometimes, I just wished something is done without a need to explain.
Let bygones be bygones.
I don't want to probe on it either.
So Leave it. So it can stop setting me thinking too much.
-
Corrupted,
my tormented soul wanders the wilderness, alone.
Savour the last moment of it.
Regain a favour.
Everything just bores me.
Quitting gaming for good, just this while atm.
So I would probably stick to blog and 2/3 posts atleast :|
Anyway, the trip to Escape, my ticket is paid in full and i got a pay of $15 to take photos a day ONLY. Great deal and I agreed but its kind of getting in my head now, don't know if I even want to..
Glad things are getting back to normal now, my OLD life.
As it is..
I can't shake off the feeling that i have been cheated.
Can't shake off the feeling that Im just a replica, a substitute.
But I shall perceive, let conscience be the judge.
The source of anguish: me.
Leave it, washing my hands off.
I just questioned myself:
Why is everyone changing.
Not for the better, not for the worst either.
And it appears as though they are just upset with something.
It just makes me feel the same way also.
To be kept in the dark, not in a bad way, but it makes me worries.
~I wonder where the source of this Anguish lies.
Its feels good to feel free again.
Atleast for now,
I hope to keep this joy that lasts.
Cheers.
-Day 3-
Funny it came so suddenly that the patient to wait grew so greatly.
I do not feel the enthusiasm as before.
The fact that I don't feel upset
but a tinge of joy.
Today, a turn of unexpected event,
I did met up with Jasmine.
Though it was a short meet and little we done,
Im glad that she okay
and still as beautiful always.
And regards about Quacker,
DW, I will still leave a tag for you >_>..
A msg that came so unexpectedly,
although, but once again,
I thought it came so abruptly,
I found it rather conincidental but also quite understandable.
Nvm, i would care less about those now LOL
Had a humongous appetite today and I ate hell lots for dinner.
Though, it all only consisted of eggs and plain rice.
Feeling unusually tired today, so its an early post.
Night, probably going sleep already.
Meh~ Blue proff, feeling better already?
-
Corrupted,
my tormented soul wanders the wilderness..
Bawww, 1.08am.
Still can't get to sleep =.=
Its probably 2am+ there and you're asleep already.
Haix sian, gotta cancel the meet with Jasmine tmr.
Whatever duh, I was expecting something "unexpected" tho expected to happen.
Meh, feels so different, drowing myself in gaming, reading and sleeping.
Skipped breakfast and couldn't finish lunch.
Fighting to curb the demon. haix..
A promise tho, I shall keep to it.
Awkward,
went to ah ma house today for dinner like we always do.
I realised that i haven't spoken more than a 100 words today.
And yea, i made little exchanges with people too.
Idk im so gonna miss :0..
Meh,
Wed, trip to escape but Im not looking forward to it frankly.
Morning blues [duck]..~
My Soul lingers in the body,
attempts to quench the thirst for a breather, for your arrival..
~
My first night is going to be a struggle i realised.
I learnt that I've been grown to be so dependent and fed,
I couldn't stop but my eyes are actually welling already.
Promise me that you will be back soon,
And we are all here waiting.
But still,
I should've been there to send you off.
And the treat for some ice-cream LOL,
You probably can't wait. +_+
To Ms Purple, and Orange DUCK too,
Enjoy!
Rmb to take lots of pics.
Right here waiting~
The WANG ZI officially died tonight ~
Rotz begins..
R.I.P.
I was hoping that you would log in on MSN now.
and this would all be nothing but a dreaded dream.
人在世上活着的定义是什么？
为了吃喝玩乐?
为了完成梦想？
还是。。。
为了活着而活？
我失去了活着的意志，
有时真的想一走了之，
活着，痛苦。
死了，也痛苦。
但什么也比不过
没意义的活着，
死也不了的感受。
我为何会这样?
我头很脑乱，
想在人生画上句点，
想先比人早走一步。
但我不舍得自己的舞与琴。。。
若有一天，我放弃了舞与琴，
那我就先跟世界说声:
"来世再见!"
Some siad: 子曰身体发肤，受之父母，不敢毁伤，孝至始也。立身行道，扬名於后世，以显父母，孝之终也。人一生下来，就 得去爱护自己的肉体，然后就要努力拼搏出人头地，貌似只有这样才算孝道。有时真觉得汗颜，几十年过去了，俗 人一个，恐怕也只能爱护身体发肤了。
对于人来说，时间仅仅只是一个点，能够把握的也仅仅只是现在，而不是逝去的.
Some argued: 活着的意义和价值关键是头脑,有就是智慧,人类之所以比其他动物进步,就是人类的智慧,我们的科技的发展也 就是靠智慧,生活的提高...这个东西,有人天生,有人可以通过知识,与不断思考,经验得来,不关多少,只 要不断有所增长就是!!而这一切如果没有心(爱心,孝心,同情心)那你就什么也不是,就和动物一样.每个人 都不一样,只有将你的个性与特性(才能),乐观,积极的人生态度完全的发挥出来,那才是你活着的真正的意义 和价值.
To me: 活着就是为了“见证历史”。
In Reply:
8 Nov 08, 18:14
Joel: imho: i feel that its not about us being together. i feel that the problems lies in the little
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8 Nov 08, 18:15
Joel: things that we take into consideration all the time.
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8 Nov 08, 18:16
Joel: And the cons? We get cracked up easy cos we see these of superior piority so we tend to probe on it
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8 Nov 08, 18:18
Joel: because we really cared. It may be for the greater good. Learning from mistakes, usually we all do.
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8 Nov 08, 18:19
Joel: but, you know, the hardest words to put in your mouth would be an apology and it really hurts when u
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8 Nov 08, 18:19
Joel: cant get over with it and move on.. So i think, meeting up often may not be the reason. But its
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8 Nov 08, 18:20
cy: talk on msn =D
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8 Nov 08, 18:20
Joel: more on the way we see things like.. Anyway, idk you guys might see it quite differently cos thats
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8 Nov 08, 18:21
Joel: wad i see the problems lies. Anyway, wad i want to say is, no to keep your feelings hidden.
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8 Nov 08, 18:21
Joel: lest unecessary, its best that u speak it up. epecially wad meant most to ME is some assurance
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8 Nov 08, 18:22
Joel: and friends like you ppl. -umbiquitousDUCK-
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8 Nov 08, 18:22
cy: talk on msn!!
Meh thats wad i want to say. Err lol i was too engrossed in typing never realised you were typing.
The senseless approach~
Let no words be spoken.
Im just another faggot.
I have more than those reasons to leave this place for good.
Im just hoping that its the best for all.
Your disappointment just upsets me,
Am I being nosey?
Or would be...
The walk home I had, took forever.
How I wished the car that stopped before me
would just knock me down clean.
But, i beg,
Let it be a quick and painless one..
Im sorry,
terribly am.
Meh~
Atlast im convinced that my room stinks,
as that said by CY and my momma.
And dumb Cy you sat here for so long and u never mentioned T.T..
Meh, i could guess the reasons though cos umm
I will be changing some bad habits,
And i shall be keeping myself + my stuffs clean, absolutely spotless.
K i will try lol.
Esp for my bed, bolster etc etc. meh :|
K ima be starting to put this into prctice LOL..
Quacked.
"The orange, the blue, the yellow, the green, the pink and the purple."
Umm ya lol..
me unglam meh
But still im better than edison.. lol
same style WTF?
Behold, Edison Chiang.
Meh, but first, you might want to see wad Mr Edison-says-sorry.
meh, sad hor?
Then theres the Mr Emo-me-no-comp-to-play,
Unglam hor? but still im good :] lol..
The two peas in the pod~
My ignorance towards you, I was wrong.
Dead wrong.
Let us never forget that,
we’ve been through good times and bad,
and I don't want it to end yet.
Don't ache.
It burns me too.
And,
To my mind you are what that makes this post so hard to make.
Lets say I want a perfect ending.
And to reforge the ties we had,
that was all made in the furnace that is.
-Pleasant memories-
And all the Duckies..
[][][][][][][-CIao-][][][[][][]
Uh im catching a cold soon.
Uber fun today. Uh quite abit la :|
Bored to tears today. And ya gonna get ownt by Ms Ng tmr.
I haven't done her homework.
Bored to tears now
And i really mean to tears.
Im so sian.
Feel like crying sia. Meh~
meh~
If one day you feel like crying...
Call me.
I don't promise that I will make you laugh,
But I can cry with you.
If one day you want to run away--
Don't be afraid to call me.
I don't promise to ask you to stop...
But I can run with you.
If one day you don't want to listen to anyone...
Call me.
I promise to be there for you.
And I promise to be very quiet.
But if one day you call...
And there is no answer...
Come fast to see me.
Perhaps I need you.
Happy birthday Mom.
You've been the best :]
uuhhh empty words.
And i waited so foolishly...
nvm..im used to it anyway.
我并没感到生气，只是一种失望。
我并没发威，只是免得被认为是小气。。。
signing off now,
1.12.08
12:07am
HAPPY B'DAY MOM!
I haven't been happier than today :]
And its been so long.
Though past are as it is now
But i learnt that there are things that will never be the same again.
Anyway, i will be trying keep it worthwhile.
Neway, CY,should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the people who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
That's us. Cheer up man! You still have us on your side, lovesick damsel :).
OH btw,
i might be removing me tagboard and so ima be leaving my MSN contact instead.
I will be making it a music corner for me or sth lol.. O.o
You know, this blog is locked.
Meanwhile i will make of this little time to get reflect.
I was surfing the net and i came these lines
You're...
My Friend,
my companion,
through good times and bad
my friend, my buddy,
through happy and sad,
beside me you stand,
beside me you walk,
you're there to listen,
you're there to talk,
with happiness, with smiles,
with pain and tears,
I know you'll be there,
throughout the years!
I know you will.
But i know i have failed as a friend
I'm sorry
But i realised that it takes more than courage to face you again.
And u walked out on me like that today.
I always thought im someone really strong.
Always thought I could do solo
But I guess I was wrong.
It been years since something really wetted my eyes.
It has been so long..
Don't pretend u don't care.
I know you do.
I haven't not know nothing in these 3 years you know.
I'm just hoping that things wouldn't end this way..I really don't..
Fragile things.
I have been reading.
And i have learnt that:
it takes years to build up trust,
but just seconds to destroy it.
But have you forgotten?:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: deanhuntweicheung@hotmail.com
To: harrychiang_@hotmail.com
Subject: RE:
Date: Fri, 20 Jun 2008 18:58:31 +0800
yoyoyo i am bored
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: harrychiang_@hotmail.com
To: deanhuntweicheung@hotmail.com
Subject: RE:
Date: Sun, 25 May 2008 17:30:05 +0800
Adrian wont make it. Im afriad we have to leave him behind. He will be remembered.
Sincerely, Junyong.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: deanhuntweicheung@hotmail.com
To: harrychiang_@hotmail.com
Subject: RE:
Date: Sun, 25 May 2008 13:03:25 +0800
Does everyone agree to my date and time on monday??????
U,keller,me agrees
wad about otherrs?
Love, dean
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: harrychiang_@hotmail.com
To: deanhuntweicheung@hotmail.com
Subject: RE:
Date: Sun, 25 May 2008 10:41:54 +0800
X333 loves you too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: deanhuntweicheung@hotmail.com
To: harrychiang_@hotmail.com
Subject: RE:
Date: Wed, 21 May 2008 09:57:25 +0800
I love u 2222222 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: harrychiang_@hotmail.com
To: deanhuntweicheung@hotmail.com
Subject: RE:
Date: Wed, 21 May 2008 09:54:51 +0800
I love u too. <333
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: deanhuntweicheung@hotmail.com
To: harrychiang_@hotmail.com
Subject:
Date: Tue, 20 May 2008 12:04:14 +0800
oi
i love u
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No man or woman is worth your tears.
The only one who is, will never make you cry.
If you love someone, put their name in a circle, instead of a heart.
Hearts can break, but circles go on forever.
Circles don't but ovals do.
Don't think Im not trying to shape things back.
Yet your best friends still continued being close friends with this person and remained neutral, will it make you angry?
Someone once told me that not standing up for people in unbalanced situations and remaining neutral is already choosing to side with the oppressor.
I have to agree....
You don't have to hate that person for bullying ur friend...but remaining neutral and not defending your friend just shows how little you think of him/her.
Im just guarding my friends too jealously..
Learning to accept.
-the idiot. Im sorry.
I was thinking uh...
and I thought I might start putting my blog on private too O.o
And then I might start going on about buying Meatball-on-stik,Sticking into/about ArseHOes, Mushroom-Farming[Shrooms burger + MushMOM & DAD], Pig slayerz[EMO-SPREE], And the Quackers[:)], and how can i ever miss: Our 4 Heavenly Queens. woo.
K im not gonna accept proposal to see it. Unless i missed you. And if u are nice then i might consider giving out a permit also = =.. lol.
Anyway[s], it all ties back to Might*.
Countdown days: 10.
Meh, this song has been playing for more than an hour now. >Tagbox<
BAwwww!
I feel so bad today.
Ya so bad and apologetic :(
Anyway, Im having a really bad throat and i would probably lose it in a day or two.
So, want talk then call me till you hear the last of it :(
Im so sad T.T..
Though anyway i went to my couzie house and we've been gaming till 12. O.O
and guess wad, he made this :D
Although the wounds appear to be healing...
Weary, but i pulled through the day. I tried so hard to be me again.. I tried but idk if i can do it again.
Its late but it would be good if i were to salvage the happy moments i had today and jot it down whislt its fresh.
Ye i had a wonderful day out with my friends. (im not going in details) Though i dont know if im considered being close to them yet, for you know im not a good speaker and i take every inch catiously to avoid misunderstanding. But actually, in othr words im stupid >.>. I did enjoyed alot though and its the best one yet this year.
Meh but i had the shittiest experienced in the train. At last i knew wad is it like to brush with death so closely again.
I got trapped between the station door and train door. Fortunately there were ppl there who pry ed the door and got me out. Wanted to thank them badly but i was too shocked to do a thing..
Can't imagine wads next if the train starts moving.
Anyway, its going to turn out bloody and gore and I'm gonna be the next star for that while anyway.
Got home at like 7.40pm. Told my parents about the ordeal i have been through. Actually i was expecting them to hug me real tight and tell me wad its like to have me as their son and told me to be careful in future.
I guessed, naive and stupid on my part, they just shrugged and said OK.
I know I'm being dumb. But that was the least i would have wished for...
It just hurts but i feel the numbness coming.
Ye quite tbh, I never feared death that much before. But I guess that's it. :|
p.s. Trapped by the doors and now my arm hurts like anything. Need a long rest to recover i think.Managed to keep a strong front though. o.O..
I would like to see things change for the better. So I thought it will be good if I do this.
Come clean. Be serious now. I know this is stupid but I really want to know:
Rate me as your friend.
Like at which level do you regard me as from 1-5.
You can reply at the chat log with your names pls. DW I wont be mad.
Just hoping that you guys can give me a direct and truthful answer thanks.
Anyway, Im sorry if I had made any bad choices and do things which I shouldnt have and that has offended anyone. Im trying to clear things up..confused..
And meanwhile, to know some of you has enriched the quality of my life and taught me some much about people that I am indebted to you eternally. Thank you for your time, your patience, your trust and most of all your friendship. I will cherish these memories to the end of my days.
I noticed that my posts are geting sorter by the day.
uh just wan to say that i dont really care anymore.
Exams are a big part of my life. I dread it like a plague and i couldnt wait for it to end.
Duh tho i got nth to say now cos im going thru so much everyday.
Head aching all over. And i doubt im going to survive till the end of next year.
Being serious now. I think im dying.
I dont why but i go breathless and i see black all over when i run.
I think i got lung disease. getting harder and strenous to catch very next breath.
Ciao ppl if i dont got a time to bade a farewell. But i will remember you guys tho. Been the best part of life. But i have been telling ppl to look on the brighter side of life. i guess its my turn to do so.
anyway, im trying to keep a smile going :]. trying..
Had some of the roughest day today. I thought chem would be a breeze but..
Anyway,i got really disappointed by some awful remarks and for once i felt lonelier than ever.
My parents were quarrelling again and i i figured that i wanted to leave home so badly but just as sadly, im not certain if theres anyone yet who i can turn to.
Though suicide has ever crossed my mind, i thought i am not ready to die just yet but im edging to my wit's end and idk wad i should do now...
Anyway, to keep this short. I have probably decide to close this blog or else ima just impose a ban on everyone except for some maybe. This blog is as good as dead anyway and everyone is just going crazy like me. Sometimes i wished the better times would be and zz...idk..
idk..
Recently, i got actuated by violent jealously.
Funny i ever felt this way.
I spent hours reflecting about it and i thought its time that i learnt to let things go.
Drowned in a mixture of complicated emotions, I'm glad that there were people who cared and made my day better. I no longer feel the remorse or anger that i once had; but more of a feeling of disappointment.
I thought for once that i had found the person whom i would have regarded as my "best friend" turned out to be betrayal and confusion.
Many times i have given many chances to show how much that he would care but i guess i was just being naive on my part. Anyway, I've been putting on frigid and cold attitude not to spite, but merely that i think i want things to stay this way. i found new friends that would appreciate the person i am.
I knew, keeping myself busy for this few days should keep the peace for this while.
it was really painful to watch the series of controversies that raged as my friends start to turn against each other. To be honest, i did in fact, learnt to hate, and to make negative comments about people.
Uncertainty has became an institution i realised. We all became doubtful of each other and slowly, I'm beginning to lose the trust that i once had to the people around me.
Besides, i had began to feel the growing antipathy against many around me, many times without apparent reasons.
It aches to see my class fall. If only we all had the chance to turn back in time where the good times were.I just hope time would unveil a better end. But perhaps i think we have already passed the point, where sorry heals and makes things better...
Well to you if you are reading. Keep these words in mind and DW k?:
I have learn the hard way; that some poems don't rhyme and some some stories don't have a clear beginning, head and end. After all, life is about not knowing, having a change, taking the moment and making the best out of it without knowing what's going to happen next..
Look forward k? Its over.
+Plays bad day by Alvin and the chipmunks- just like how i feel atm.+
Today started out normally like everyday and how it should have been.
i was late for class today and i havent got my homeworks ready.
Ahh and cy was there to "kajiao" me.
ok so i got a guest at home(my cousin) so i went home straight after.
Shes playing my comp then, on maplestory like always.
So this is the breif account of her experience in maple:
(assume that shes talking like me), I r noob mage in maple killing teddies at lvl 23.
I have been here for months and i gained 1 lvl(s) so far cos i got no mana pots and i sit here while my mana regens.
So wtf?!
The way she gamed pissed me off so much that had to brush her off aside while i play.
and i went on stomping then some guy or girl pleaded me to add it* on msn. i dunno which. The way it* talked sounded so "unique".
We had some talk and made some comments exchanges about each others pic. Somehow, it* managed to uncover my msn profile and taken some of my pic.
And this was what it said,"You look good in photos no doubt. You will make an amazing p*rn star."
....
....
....
i was like wtf?! you ****ing mother ********! you toot toot toot toooooooooooot!
but i thought he probably saw this: HarryChiang_@hotmail.com appears to be offline.
ah well..
Kukup trip is tmr. We will be going out to sea to the kelong which nearly once, claimed my life. *shudders*. Ima buy some food for my granny for giving me $20.
Yay. My mom is going overseas later and i wanted to game really badly.
But still...maple stinks with stupid patches. i love you gm. how i wished i can blow you up. Make me one you toots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.s. i hate Chipmunks.
2.30 in the morning and im stil awake racking my brains to rack up a few sentence. Blog is dead but im back by popular demand. wad can i say lol. The exam results were back but i guess i havent been doing too well T.T. Neway..i see a bug just ran across the table. o.O
Went through so much this few days.
uh i just realised that Bernice removed my link from her blog and she didnt waved nor summon her qi at me today so i guess shes still mad at me. *shrugs*
Uh today i caught 4 pokemons uh.
They quite obedient la so i named them Mr mime, Psyduck, Jynx and Snorlax.
Although it took me forever to tame them, Mr mime and jynx dont seem to listen to me alot. Becos psyduck say Snorlax like kuku. But i think she is too sleepy to care >.>
Anyway, I realised that im not only a rooster in chinese zodiac but also a pig, monkey and a duck. O.o
Err no time to attach pics. nex time show you my pokemons.
Meanwhile, ima stay back tmr at school to do some pianoing yay >.>.
Posts are getting shorter. Exams are round the corner. nothing to write.
Btw i got really mad today.
And i couldn't hold myself but to yell at adrian.
though sorry, i feel impressed by my tone and volume uh!
And anyway uh I'm so disappointed today.
Seeing that Sally makes me boil and ready to explode.
Shes really enjoys accusing me alot.
She lost her calculator and asked me as tho i had taken it.
And wad, she blames me for hosting her pic(with me and my sis in it as well),
cuz i left it as DP and Liang took it with Messenger plus.
Haha I'm gonna Download those features too :p
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Mundane Life. Another boring day trying to catch up with the homeworks..
Nothing to say today. Bored as ever.
Meanwhile, i would like to thank PY and PX for inviting me to their bday party althogh it was held at my home. Thanks for taking up my time so i have to be so stressed out today. I really appreciated it.
Loves your head, Aaron.
Mr. Sun came out and he smiled at me. Said it's gonna be a good one just wait and see!
Jumped out of bed and I ran outside I feel extra exstatified!
It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)
It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)
I'm so busy got nothing to do, spent the last two hours just tying my shoe.
Every flower every grain of sand, is reaching out to shake my hand.
It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)
It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)
Sometimes the little things start closing in on me, when I'm feeling down I wanna lose that frown I stick my head out the window and look around.
Those clouds don't scare me they can't disguise, this magic that's happening right before my eyes.
Soon Mr. Moon will be shining bright so the best day ever will last all night.
Yes the Best day ever's gonna last all night now.
It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)
It's the Best day ever (Best day ever)
It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)
It's the Best day ever (Best day ever)
(Best day ever)
(Best day)
Ok i had the most wonderful today.
waking up at 7am in the morning, i felt extra exsastified, though so sleepy
so, i went back to bed and to realised that its 12 when im awake.
I was like shit! i missed piano again..sian...
K the afternoon were ok.
Been plaing games for 4hrs without stopping and im getting bored of it already.
Ya i rained throughout the day and im feeling really cold and thks my cousin for suggesting to turn on the air-con. My hands are freezing now and i can hardly type the next line.
Only had lunch at 4.30pm. imagine that. We missed breakfast and had lunch that late.
Guess wad we had;
A family comnbo set. 10 pieces of chicken with 3 salads and mashed potatoes + popcorn chickens. Ya and we ordered an extra zinger.
Thats like 3 pieces each for ea.
Anyway, we never finished it and needed to pack it as takeout.
7pm, my parents were here to bring us to my other cousins' home. Its her bday so there was a crowd and the pt was relaly boring excpt that we had some laughs during the karaoke.
So the day ended with a thud. opps. not thud la.
And talking about night, just the night before. Angeline msg me; and she was saying that Liang was crying and things are really bad. I was like ZOMG! and when i called him, they were.. umm.. laughing?! o.O....
By the way, i would like to talk about my experience about being a noob mapler:
I met some really cool guys on maple
and they are all really high lvls (30-40+) relly awesome and i was there minding my own business doing mown stuffs then Monkey(false name to protect identity) asked, "would you like to starta guild.:" Then i was WEET. cos its the first time some one ever asked me that i tot it was eally kool. So i waited for an hour before 4 other guys gathered at...err i dont know where then we're all waiting the whoosh! i heard something tho i dont think i did and wow, i got my first guild!!!!
it wasnt exactly fun cos i logged out 5 mins after cos i had to go.
Anyway i was really eager to log in the next day and you know wad? i was pomoted to a Jr Master. Being the kind and helpful one(like always), i went around recruiting nyone i see who have loads of cash.
Ya the day went rather smoothly and the clan had like 10 members when i last logged.
And yay, i thought i was bring the nice guy to log in an found a note sent specially to me. I was expecting some compliments for being nice and hopefully get promoted to be a gm or sth.
BUT, here comes the big "BUT", the bad news was, i was expelled from the guild cos i had wasted much of their spaces and the said that they were expecting more in terms of maturity and responsibility. so that was it. But there comes the good news: i don't ever feel like playing that game again.
Yes, i've been told.
Im the kind of hao lian kind who likes to talk big about myself haha. No jokes.
Yes im a clever, Handsome, cute, innocent, responsible, atentive, obedient andany other positive things that you can think about. Thats me haha.
Me, i wont allow someone to beat. Atleast in terms like those kind of important stuffs. For eg, dean beat me in cutting the quadrant the other day and he was like trying to let the whole world know. I was like umm...wadever..=.="...ok so hes another egoist. Im not alone. cheers!!
neway, i still cant get over i did so bad from bio. i got really embarassed and some people were trying to hit me with that test. made me feel that im ready to kill muahahaha!
No. i realised that i havent always been such a 'haolian' when i was in sec1. i was a innocent and cute little boy who knew nothing!!! about being a selfish and devilous person that i am today. T.T
I still remember sitting in the corner of my desk basking my glory as i quietly trying to slip my 95/100 marks maths script into my bag then this hoe, i dont remember who, started boasting about his 91 marks score.
So he started to piss me off by asking for mine. i took out my script. flashed it in his face then go about telling everyone how great i am. I guess that the first time when my ego came to become of such importance :D
Ever wondered wad death is like? to be thrown in god-knows-where, away from your family and friends.
Death, have been really kind to me. I still can remember the few times that i had brushed across death, but somehow got my life back.
Although i do not want to talk about it in detail. i just wan to say that the feeling of death churning in my stomach has brought about much stress. For some reason, i start to turn cold towards my friends.. I havent decided to tell them. Not yet aleast. Anyway, i doubt they would understand neway. Something so hard to believe.
today, partly becos of my mood swings (or said by that wonderful dean who isnt helping - my pre menstrual cycle) and also, iwas accused by >>>someone<<< for attempting to spoil the trip to movies this fri. zzz...i was part of the Organisers' Unit, would i even do that wtf?
Perhaps thats for now, just this while.
P.S. Badminton training didnt turn out that well today. especially with those girls( from the other schools) throwing themselves at us, asking for names, no.s etc. K, it felt good at first but i stated to feel uncomfortable when they start get fresh and intimate. o.0
P.P.S check out the new blog that me and dean has made. (well it was me, really) but he contributed some ideas so i tot hmm....
Anyway, its called the DNA [Dean 'N' Aaron] i suppose.
`Here to me + some advices:
+NEVER ATTEMPT TO VISIT IT PAST 8PM
+NEVER ATTEMPT TO WATH IT ALONE
+KEEP YOUR YOUNGER BROS/SIS AWAY
+DO NOT WATCH IT IF YOU HAVE A WEAK HEART
+OK, NOW FOR THE DEATH SEEKERS WHO PASSED ALL THE TESTS, NOW TURN ON YOUR SPEAKER(S).
URL: http://deanoxyribonaaronacid.blogspot.com/
Ever since the start of the Hungry Ghost festival, i never felt better.
Luck seemed to have made a turn.
Just the other day..I was at CP with a group of friends - the usual routines: lunch at mac before badminton.
Funny that i have decided to change into my sports attire and ya i was looking really hawt(like usual) in those short pants and tight top.
Ok luck is still here cos meanwhile.. a camera team is setting up some equipments.
The show "Xin hua duo duo kai" scene was to be taken there wth and i will get to see the celebrities o.O...
But before i knew, like everyone, i was crowding round the scene, with my cameras ready.
Then here comes the staffs telling us to back off. Then, much to my surprise i was suddenlygrabbed at the waist. And i was like wtf when i saw a digusting guy bout 40 smiling. and he whispered something into my ears i didnt catch. so i feel really uncomfortable, brushed him off, and left quickly to where my friends are....
So i let that incident pass, trying to shake it off. just yesterday at approx 9.37pm i was walking down a dark alley after tuition and i was walking walking and walking..still walking..and frm the shadows came 'pop' and i saw a dark figure from a distance.(exagerating with 'pop', ignore pls) Then wtf he suddenly turned and smile. i was freaked when he turned to say hi..for me, being someone really intelligent, i ignored him and started walking away. and at a distance, i can see him turn back watching me. i broke into a run then much to my HORROR he started coming after me zomg. good thing i made it home quickly!
Heng, or i might have been abducted, robbed, killed or even raped...so ard to believe...
Anyway, school life is still as boring as ever. Sometimes, its so hard to ignore so im letting things be. They may not be my best friends nemore but i shall not ignore them or wad. i mean, like we all have our own choice selections of friends like i do too.
meanwhile, im getting addicted to music..regretful choices T.T shouldve gotten into musics zzz.
24/7/08. 10 mins just before the start of my maths tuition. I saw a group of familiar figures in the distant in macdonalds. I knew that thy had left me out.
I realised where do i stand in the people whom i called friends.
They taught me that it is a dog-eat-dog world out there and it was every man out there for himself. The mixture of emotions that churns in my stomach makes me sick. Strangely, i felt no anger, but sadness and disappointment.
I remembered vividly when i was still in the primary levels. I met a friend so sincere.. and who i had left alot of trust in. I recall the times we had fun, ya the mischeives and all. Yet today, those memories came out so blur- I hardly remember it at all now. Afterall, it was that incident which drifted us apart. Then, i found it so hard trust.
At secondary one, I moved to a new district. one that i hoped to call home. I met a couple of friends who picked me up from where i fell and edged me slowly to move on. I thought that i had found a new life, for time passed and i started to regain the trust.
However..much to my disappointment. They were the ones who had picked me up from the fall, but too, who left to cripple and fall.
Some really interesting stuffs i read somewhere.
Hope you like it :)) Enjoy~
P.S. Im not a christian.
God versus Science
An Atheist Professor of Philosophy speaks to his Class on the problem Science has with GOD, the ALMIGHTY.
He asks one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . .
Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So you Believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD Good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?
Student : Yes.
Professor : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill.
But GOD didn't.
How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
( Student is silent )
Professor : You can't answer, can you ?
Let's start again, Young Fella.
Is GOD Good?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Is Satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor : Where does Satan come from ?
Student : From . . . GOD .. . .
Professor : That's right.
Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it ?
And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor : So who created evil ?
(Student does not answer)
Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?
All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, who Created them ?
( Student has no answer )
Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World
around you. Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD?
Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor : Yet you still Believe in HIM?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD
doesn't exist.
What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor : Yes, Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Professor : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor : Yes.
Student : No sir. There isn't.
( The Lecture Theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events )
Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat,
White Heat, a Little Heat or No Heat...
But we don't have anything called Cold.
We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat,
but we can't go any further after that.
There is no such thing as Cold.
Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat.
We cannot Measure Cold.
Heat is Energy.
Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.
( There is Pin - Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )
Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?
Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir.
Darkness is the Absence of Something¡K
You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . .
But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called
Darkness, isn't it? In reality, Darkness isn't.
If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?
Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality.
You argue there is Life and then there is Death,
a Good GOD and a Bad GOD.
You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite,
something we can measure.
Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought.
It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen,
much less fully understood either one.
To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that
Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing.
Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved
from a Monkey?
Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process,
yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?
( The Professor shakes his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument is going )
Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and
Cannot even prove that this Process is an On - Going Endeavor,
Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir?
Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?
( The Class is in Uproar )
Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?
( The Class breaks out into Laughter )
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or
Smelt it? . . .
No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable,
Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have No Brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?
(The Room is Silent. The Professor stares at the Student, his face unfathomable.)
Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student : That is it sir . . .
scource: i dunno O_O
School started out at 7.20am. But i made it in on time again anyway.
Zames has been getting on my nerves lately. The reason? The quarrel we had in SS lessons ealier that day. Anyway, we havent seen eye to eye after that incident. Thank him for acting like a smart bungolio to me in then.
Hate to admit but i do feel bad after that. Hes been trying to patch up with me in the most ridiculous ways to get over with it and for us to move on and get along :S. But tempers were flying around then and I just wasn’t thinking straight and I had threw some pretty harsh words at him and so, I couldnt bring myself to apologize to him for being a such a tard.
Anyway, I want to get this out that it wasnt me the one whose been throwing erasers about in class. Wanted to reveal the one who did it but I couldnt betray my some of the most trusted friends I got around me can I?
Cheow yong has been ruining my day[ like always;) ] with his words: me being flirtatious becos i was the only guy who went out with the girls then calls me Edison Chiang. Adrian got the bug anyway and hes been calling me that since.
Hmm. Im not mad at him but merely felt like umm annoyed. In fact I like this name ALOT. :)